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Monday, February 27, 2006
"Be Be Your Love" - Rachael Yamagata
If I could take you away
Pretend I was queen
What would you say
Would you think I'm unreal
'Cause everybody's got their way I should feel
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love for real
Want to be your everything
Everything...
Everything's falling, and I am included in that
Oh, how I try to be just okay
Yeah, but all I ever really wanted
Was a little piece of you
And everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love for real
Everything will be alright
If you just stay the night
Please, sir, don't you walk away, don't you walk away, don't you walk away
Please, sir, don't you walk away, don't you walk away, don't you walk away
And everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love for real
And everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love for real
I want to be your love, love, love
It was the longest that we've talked on the phone ever. Believe me, i was surprised you called. I was reminded of the days. You didnt like talkin on the phone, so we hanged up early most of the times. It's so nostalgic. I mean, ive been feeling nostalgic ever since we broke up but tonight, it was so intense.
I dont know why, but i couldnt seem to react appropriately then. I was either always talking to you too fast until i tripped over my words, or i had nothing to say at all. Yes, i miss you but what else can i do about it? Forgive me for always being so stupid around you. I hope you'd still love me for that.
Thank you for still wanting to see me. Did you mean that?
Sometimes i blame myself for asking you that question. "Are you still interested in this relationship?" Maybe if i hadnt asked, it wouldnt end. But then, if it didnt end, would i realise i still had this "fetish" for you? If it didnt end, would i realise that my love for you had grown? It might just be a happy ending in disguise after all. Im standing right here, not budging a milimetre, waiting for you.
My heart still skips a beat when i think of you, just like the first time i set my eyes on you. It's kinda scary sometimes.. =D I will be waiting..
Wore my super high-cut sneakers to school today. It went right up to the bottom of my knees. I so love black, always have.. Wore stockings for the first time in more than 10 years.. Wow..
I wanna be different.. Am not gonna care abt what others think because this is ME.
Have got lotsa jamming sessions coming up. Have never felt so exhausted - Ok, on second thoughts, maybe not. The drumset's trying to get control over me nowadays.. I feel weak, like the drumset's stronger than me and ive lost to it in a match of tug-of-war. The same for my vocals.. What happened to my voice??!! How am i gonna get through auditions for pop ensemble next semester?! UrgH! How frustrating.. *Screams*!
Time for beauty sleep.. Zzzz.. 11:55 PM
Saturday, February 25, 2006
A box of chocolates. So simple and small, yet thoughtful in a way. You had no idea what to get me for our very first Valentine's Day together, and you had no idea how big a smile it would put on my face. No guy has ever given me a box of chocolates as a prezzie, thats why i found it cute - I wasnt dissatisfied. We had our dinner, then went for a stroll at the Esplanade. For once, it was nothing special nor different, but on the other hand, it was something i had never experienced on this occasion.
For a while, you didnt really seem to be aware of me. All we did, was just meeting up for dinners, and being there while i ran errands. We did have fun together though. I'd laugh at your dumbness and you'd let go off my hands, complaining that they were too sweaty. I loved poking your tummy and you love smelling my hair. Sometimes i dont like it coz to me, they stink.
You are different. So different because you hardly express your feelings towards me. Even though sometimes i felt distant from you, i knew you loved me and i loved you back. You didnt give me the attention that i wanted, and i didnt understand why you did the things you did, but yet i chose to love you. You apologise, saying that youre a lousy boyfriend an a lousy supervisor. You didnt know why you treated me like that and you blamed yourself, but then again, i still love you, and i have no idea why. 11:01 PM
Friday, February 24, 2006
It's over. Well at least it ended in a friendly manner. I like that, coz a friendly break up hardly ever occurs to me. I wanted to end it before, wanted so much to in your face, insist that we had to put a full stop to our relationship. But even so, i wanted so much to take it all back..
I knew right from the start that it wouldnt last. And yet, i wanted to jump into that relationship, to believe it could last forever. I loved you. I really did. But maybe, i wasnt used to the way i was treated by you. Unlike my previous relationships, i didnt ask about your whereabouts, or demand for your attention. All i needed was someone to be there for me. All i needed was for someone to say "I love you" and mean it at the same time.
I realise now after this relationship, that i should start growing up already. There's no point in crying, no point in brooding day and night, 24/7 over something that didnt work out. Even though my feelings for you hasnt changed, i dont have to be all emotional just to show you how i feel. You taught me how to sacrifice again, and you tried your best to make me smile all the time. Just like how i tried making you smile too..
I wonder what you are thinking of now..
Just a few days ago, one of my friends showed me a short film from youtube.com. It was about this guy, Chee Kiong, who had a crush on another guy, David (this means he's gay - DuH! =P) when he was in JC. Unfortunately, David was straight and avoided Chee Kiong after realising he had a crush on him. Although Chee Kiong kept on persisting, all the more David avoided him. So after 3 years of persistance, Chee kiong decided to end it all - By killing himself..
Believe it or not, it is a true story coz I read the deceased blog. Sigh.. Sad.. 12:10 AM
Friday, February 10, 2006
It's almost over. It will be. Soon.
Handed up my music and com assignment on time - well, Almost. The last part was kinda messed up but didnt have a choice since time was running out. Might be getting another assignment next week.. Urgh! I can feel the pressure building up already.
Everyone's throwing hurtful words to my face. Ill make a list:
- Stupid
- You're Dumb
- The more you help, the worse it gets.
- Fu*k
- Do what you want, no one's gonna stop you.
Why cant they all just say something encouraging? Even in school, everyone seems different. Im just a "wanderer" in school, chilling out with anyone i see.. I cant be bothered now..
I'll just tell myself. It's just a phase darling.. Dont think too much of it.. =D 11:16 PM
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Maybe i should quit.
yea. I should quit.
It's been four months - Only four months, and nothing is heading the right way at work. Im a loser at work. A loser at everything in fact. Nobody seems to click with me and i cant share anything with my colleagues.. We're just like colleagues, not friends..
And thanks to me, ive been a failure in my relationships. I didnt choose wisely, and i didnt realise how important i was to certain people. When i thought a relationship could work, it didnt end up that way. Instead, im killing myself slowly, pretending and not knowing whether that person really loves me.
Maybe you're just not ready to be in a relationship. Youre too busy with work. You dont know how to handle one. All the time ive been telling myself how weird this relationship is and it just doesnt feel right. Im upset that its not working out, but im still telling to wait.. When will it all be alrite??
Sheeks.. Gotta hand up my music and com assignment tml and i still havent completed it.. Im so dead.. Im gonna fail this semester for sure.. 11:07 PM
Monday, February 27, 2006
"Be Be Your Love" - Rachael Yamagata
If I could take you away
Pretend I was queen
What would you say
Would you think I'm unreal
'Cause everybody's got their way I should feel
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love for real
Want to be your everything
Everything...
Everything's falling, and I am included in that
Oh, how I try to be just okay
Yeah, but all I ever really wanted
Was a little piece of you
And everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love for real
Everything will be alright
If you just stay the night
Please, sir, don't you walk away, don't you walk away, don't you walk away
Please, sir, don't you walk away, don't you walk away, don't you walk away
And everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love for real
And everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love for real
I want to be your love, love, love
It was the longest that we've talked on the phone ever. Believe me, i was surprised you called. I was reminded of the days. You didnt like talkin on the phone, so we hanged up early most of the times. It's so nostalgic. I mean, ive been feeling nostalgic ever since we broke up but tonight, it was so intense.
I dont know why, but i couldnt seem to react appropriately then. I was either always talking to you too fast until i tripped over my words, or i had nothing to say at all. Yes, i miss you but what else can i do about it? Forgive me for always being so stupid around you. I hope you'd still love me for that.
Thank you for still wanting to see me. Did you mean that?
Sometimes i blame myself for asking you that question. "Are you still interested in this relationship?" Maybe if i hadnt asked, it wouldnt end. But then, if it didnt end, would i realise i still had this "fetish" for you? If it didnt end, would i realise that my love for you had grown? It might just be a happy ending in disguise after all. Im standing right here, not budging a milimetre, waiting for you.
My heart still skips a beat when i think of you, just like the first time i set my eyes on you. It's kinda scary sometimes.. =D I will be waiting..
Wore my super high-cut sneakers to school today. It went right up to the bottom of my knees. I so love black, always have.. Wore stockings for the first time in more than 10 years.. Wow..
I wanna be different.. Am not gonna care abt what others think because this is ME.
Have got lotsa jamming sessions coming up. Have never felt so exhausted - Ok, on second thoughts, maybe not. The drumset's trying to get control over me nowadays.. I feel weak, like the drumset's stronger than me and ive lost to it in a match of tug-of-war. The same for my vocals.. What happened to my voice??!! How am i gonna get through auditions for pop ensemble next semester?! UrgH! How frustrating.. *Screams*!
Time for beauty sleep.. Zzzz..
Saturday, February 25, 2006
A box of chocolates. So simple and small, yet thoughtful in a way. You had no idea what to get me for our very first Valentine's Day together, and you had no idea how big a smile it would put on my face. No guy has ever given me a box of chocolates as a prezzie, thats why i found it cute - I wasnt dissatisfied. We had our dinner, then went for a stroll at the Esplanade. For once, it was nothing special nor different, but on the other hand, it was something i had never experienced on this occasion.
For a while, you didnt really seem to be aware of me. All we did, was just meeting up for dinners, and being there while i ran errands. We did have fun together though. I'd laugh at your dumbness and you'd let go off my hands, complaining that they were too sweaty. I loved poking your tummy and you love smelling my hair. Sometimes i dont like it coz to me, they stink.
You are different. So different because you hardly express your feelings towards me. Even though sometimes i felt distant from you, i knew you loved me and i loved you back. You didnt give me the attention that i wanted, and i didnt understand why you did the things you did, but yet i chose to love you. You apologise, saying that youre a lousy boyfriend an a lousy supervisor. You didnt know why you treated me like that and you blamed yourself, but then again, i still love you, and i have no idea why.
Friday, February 24, 2006
It's over. Well at least it ended in a friendly manner. I like that, coz a friendly break up hardly ever occurs to me. I wanted to end it before, wanted so much to in your face, insist that we had to put a full stop to our relationship. But even so, i wanted so much to take it all back..
I knew right from the start that it wouldnt last. And yet, i wanted to jump into that relationship, to believe it could last forever. I loved you. I really did. But maybe, i wasnt used to the way i was treated by you. Unlike my previous relationships, i didnt ask about your whereabouts, or demand for your attention. All i needed was someone to be there for me. All i needed was for someone to say "I love you" and mean it at the same time.
I realise now after this relationship, that i should start growing up already. There's no point in crying, no point in brooding day and night, 24/7 over something that didnt work out. Even though my feelings for you hasnt changed, i dont have to be all emotional just to show you how i feel. You taught me how to sacrifice again, and you tried your best to make me smile all the time. Just like how i tried making you smile too..
I wonder what you are thinking of now..
Just a few days ago, one of my friends showed me a short film from youtube.com. It was about this guy, Chee Kiong, who had a crush on another guy, David (this means he's gay - DuH! =P) when he was in JC. Unfortunately, David was straight and avoided Chee Kiong after realising he had a crush on him. Although Chee Kiong kept on persisting, all the more David avoided him. So after 3 years of persistance, Chee kiong decided to end it all - By killing himself..
Believe it or not, it is a true story coz I read the deceased blog. Sigh.. Sad..
Friday, February 10, 2006
It's almost over. It will be. Soon.
Handed up my music and com assignment on time - well, Almost. The last part was kinda messed up but didnt have a choice since time was running out. Might be getting another assignment next week.. Urgh! I can feel the pressure building up already.
Everyone's throwing hurtful words to my face. Ill make a list:
- Stupid
- You're Dumb
- The more you help, the worse it gets.
- Fu*k
- Do what you want, no one's gonna stop you.
Why cant they all just say something encouraging? Even in school, everyone seems different. Im just a "wanderer" in school, chilling out with anyone i see.. I cant be bothered now..
I'll just tell myself. It's just a phase darling.. Dont think too much of it.. =D
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Maybe i should quit.
yea. I should quit.
It's been four months - Only four months, and nothing is heading the right way at work. Im a loser at work. A loser at everything in fact. Nobody seems to click with me and i cant share anything with my colleagues.. We're just like colleagues, not friends..
And thanks to me, ive been a failure in my relationships. I didnt choose wisely, and i didnt realise how important i was to certain people. When i thought a relationship could work, it didnt end up that way. Instead, im killing myself slowly, pretending and not knowing whether that person really loves me.
Maybe you're just not ready to be in a relationship. Youre too busy with work. You dont know how to handle one. All the time ive been telling myself how weird this relationship is and it just doesnt feel right. Im upset that its not working out, but im still telling to wait.. When will it all be alrite??
Sheeks.. Gotta hand up my music and com assignment tml and i still havent completed it.. Im so dead.. Im gonna fail this semester for sure..
Reach my prismic soul.
The Girl
Eva Marie
aka Black Samara.
Hatefully Twenty-one.
Musician
Drummer
Vocalist
Writer
Giggist
Poet.
Loves
Mozerella cheese
Mee sua
Meiji plain crackers.
Music
Screamm
Guitars
Drumming
Singing
Rocking out.
Chilling at Starbucks/Spinelli
Goofing around.
Black eyes.
Black nails.
Black heart.
Hates
Cucumbers
Dog food.
Posers
heart breakers.
YOU.
Unconditional Desires.
My own Orange County Drumset.
To get my diploma in music next year.
Learn double pedals.
Get Married.
Get my future parents in laws to like me.
The endless connections.
Mix the words up.
You have my thanks.
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